As you know, nothing good comes without a price. It will be work to be sure, if it were easy, we'd all have alot of close friends and we would keep the same ones year after year.
To love and be loved, to understand and be understood, to encourage and to be encouraged by a friend you respect and value is certainly worth the investment. And when we learn how to nurture our relationship with the four traits, we invest in a rare treasure indeed - a friendship anchored by self-sacrificing virtues.
* TRAIT 1: G - GIVE ENCOURAGEMENT
Encouragement always has a positive effect on people, if this weren't true, people wouldn't be so hungry for it. Have you find yourself in a situation where you stop doing something you ought to be doing just because of a statement from someone, that is the power in our words.
When last have you tell a friend or someone, bravo, good work or when last did you sent an encouragement card to someone.
There is always a price to be paid for discouraging someone. You wound the person's heart and you will fill yours with regret. Nothing positive comes from discouragement, it sometimes leads to the death of friendship.
"Words do have the power of life and death, and discouragement from careless words or neglect is the fastest way to crush a person's spirit and kill a friendship".
Encouragement is inspiring and character building. Don't you find yourself drawn to people who speak kindness to you, people who give you verbal gifts of affirmation and esteem? We love to be around people who lift us up, it is a natural response to encouragement, just as pulling away or building a Wall is our natural response to discouragement.
"When you want to speak, think first. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? If not, let it be left unsaid"
Show a friend how much you appreciate him/her.
* TRAIT 2: I - INVEST TIME
"Proximity proved to be a daunting foe and when you don't stay connected the relationship stop growing ".
Just as giving encouragement helps build a stronger friendship, investing time is another significant way to strengthen the ties that bind. Time investment can come in different forms. Even though your friend lives afar or near, you can keep your friendship alive by following these principles of time investing;
1. You can email each other regularly
2. Call at often time to know whats happening with the other person.
3. Write occasionally. (text messages, letter etc) 4. Visit as funds and schedule allow.
5. Remember each other's birthday and other important dates.
If truely you want your friendship to work out, you have to make these commitments.
"He who plants thorns must never expect to gather roses"
* TRAIT 3: F - FORGIVE COMPLETELY
"Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note, torn into many parts and burned up, so it can never be shown again"
Giving encouragement and investing time are super effective way to build a strong foundation for friendship. However, if forgiveness is not extended during difficult times, the relationship will crumble and we will have built the foundation in vain.
To forgive and forget gives health to the person doing the forgiving, but holding on to a friend's transgressions keeps us from two things;
1. Building a deeper friendship with him/her.
2. Having a peaceful heart which brings health to our body.
Sometimes the only way to get past an offense or hurt from a friend is to discuss it openly together. It's painful and has ended many friendship but occasionally there are issues along the way that must be addressed and understood before you can move on. If you have a friend who value your relationship to risk being vulnerable and tells you that your words have been hurtful (I have a friend like that), your friendship has the potential to recover and even mature to a deeper level but only on one condition; that you will humble yourself enough to be introspective about your weakness and your ability to make mistakes.
FORGIVE totally, so as not to kiss your friendship good bye.
"Many friendship, long, loyal and self sacrificing rested at first on no thicker foundation than a kind word"
* TRAIT 4: T - TALK LESS, LISTEN MORE
The best lessons are sometimes the hardest. Asking intentional and unselfish questions, affirming each statement with an appropriate response, unwavering eye contact and above all else, listen much more than you talk.
Listening is an integral part of every relationship but especially so in friendship. Skilled conversing shows that you care and helps the person speaking feel important. Often our friends don't need our advice as much as they need us to really listen.
"When you listen to people, you tell them they are important but when you monopolize the conversation, you say you are important"
Be a friend that listen well and often.......
Let me conclude like this, seize every opportunity to give encouragement, invest time, forgive completely and talk less. If we are to know the sweet fruit of intimate friendship, it may sometimes force us out of our comfort zone, but it is God's will for us to love Him and His people.
Remember to treat your friend like a GIFT and this will keep you both connected heart to heart and make you healthier for a long time.
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